🌿 Why Openness Without Discernment Drains Us
- Foong Sin
- Oct 24
- 4 min read
(October: Mental Health Awareness Month)
Many of us were taught that being open means being kind, agreeable, and receptive.
We nod, we listen, we say yes because openness sounds virtuous.
But when we stay open without boundaries, we leak energy.
We say yes to too many requests. We absorb others’ emotions.
We take in too much information and can’t tell what truly matters.
This isn’t openness. It’s exhaustion in disguise.
Discernment: The Quiet Partner of Openness
Openness invites experience; discernment decides what stays.
To be discerning is not to judge; it’s to stay conscious.
Where judgment divides and closes, discernment filters and clarifies.
Think of it like a cell membrane, selectively permeable, letting in what nourishes and filtering what harms. Without it, a cell collapses; with it, life thrives.
Our psychological boundaries work the same way.
Discernment keeps us emotionally alive, not overwhelmed.
🌱 How It Shows Up in Everyday Life
In Conversations
Openness often begins in the way we listen.
When someone shares pain or frustration, our instinct may be to comfort, fix, or even absorb what they feel. We tell ourselves this is empathy; yet over time, unfiltered empathy becomes emotional carrying.
Discernment doesn’t harden the heart; it helps us hold space without drowning in it. It sounds more like:
“I can be fully present to your story and still stay grounded in mine.” “Your pain matters and I can honour it without taking it home.”
Caring with discernment means keeping compassion alive while maintaining emotional circulation. Think of it as holding a lantern, close enough to light the path for another, but not so close that it burns your hand.
When we practise this, we stop confusing presence with possession. We realise that true empathy doesn’t require taking on someone else’s emotional weight; it is witnessing it with sincerity and steadiness.
In Digital Life
Scrolling can be both a window and a wave. It opens access to stories, ideas, and inspiration yet it can also wash us away if we forget to breathe.
Some of us scroll to rest our minds but end up filling our hearts with noise. We start with curiosity and end with comparison (notice what we don’t yet have or who seems further ahead).
The fatigue doesn’t always come from the content itself, but from the silent self-questioning that follows:
“Why am I not there yet?” “What am I missing?”
That’s when discernment becomes essential.
Discernment in digital life sounds like:
“I’m glad for them. I can pause before turning this into a self-measure.”
“This post stirs something in me. Let me reflect instead of react.”
“I can learn from this, but I don’t have to consume everything today.”
For those who genuinely love learning and have a vast appetite for ideas, discernment becomes a way to focus depth over volume. It asks,
“What nourishes my growth right now?” “What is interesting but not immediately useful, and can wait?”
Just because we can absorb a lot doesn’t mean we need to do it all at once. Even the most fertile soil needs rest between seasons.
In Decision-Making
Sometimes our intuition whispers before our mind can explain why. That uneasy feeling, think of a tightness in the chest, a dip in the stomach, a sudden loss of enthusiasm, often signals misalignment, not fear.
Yet for many professionals, especially high achievers, such signals are easy to ignore. Years of discipline and external validation teach us to override discomfort in the name of responsibility or progress. We learn to measure success by movement not alignment.
Discernment invites us to pause before we accelerate. To ask questions that bring both logic and emotion into the same room:
“What values of mine are being honored or violated by this decision?”
“Who benefits most if I say yes, and what do I quietly lose?”
“Am I choosing from excitement or obligation?”
“If I were not afraid of missing out, what would I decide?”
“If success came at the cost of what grounds me, would it still feel like success?”
These questions anchor ambition and don’t slow it. They create space for both voices, the one that strives and the one that seeks meaning, to speak before choosing. When those two voices are allowed to meet, decisions become not just strategic, but sustainable.
Building the Habit of Discernment
New habits don’t start from willpower; they start from moments of resonance.
When something you read or hear feels true, pause right there.That’s your doorway to practice.
Try these gentle experiments over the next week:
Morning Check-In
Before diving into your day, place one hand on your heart and ask:
“What am I open to today?” “What do I choose to filter out?”
It takes less than a minute — but trains your inner boundary.
The Thirty-second Pause
In any intense moment, be it a disagreement, a decision, an emotion, count thirty slow breaths before reacting. It is astonishing how often clarity appears in those seconds. (If time allows, expand into a one-minute breathing space.)
Evening Reflection
Journal one line:
“What entered my space today that I want to keep & to release?”
Over time, you’ll start seeing patterns on what drains and what nourishes you.
🌼 Why This Matters for Mental Health
As we mark Mental Health Awareness Month, remember that mental health is not only about coping or recovering. It is also about knowing what to let in.
Being open without discernment can lead to burnout, resentment, or self-doubt. Being discerning without openness can lead to isolation and rigidity. Together, they form a mature and sustainable way to stay connected to others, to our work, and to ourselves.
A Closing Reflection
“Being open signals readiness to embrace with discernment, not judgment.”
Start there as a rhythm. Begin when you feel inspired, or when something in you whispers, this makes sense. Habits born from resonance, not pressure, are the ones that stay.
Being Open Signals Readiness to Embrace With Discernment, Not Judgement
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